What Happens When You Go Viral: On Wanting to Give Up

I recently found out that the hit count on my Relevant article back in June was over 1.6 million. The editor told me it was the second-biggest traffic day in the history of their website. That’s mind-boggling to me.

If you had asked me a year ago what I thought it would mean to have a piece get that much exposure, I would have assumed it would be my big break. That it would boost my blog, lead to freelance opportunities, help connect me to the right people. That it would be my open door into the world of professional writing and publishing. That it would bring me validation and satisfaction. It would reassure me that what I’m doing here isn’t pointless and that my story matters.

Do you want to know the truth?

It hasn’t done any of those things. For a few weeks I received a lot of emails and messages from people thanking me for my story. I got to write a few guest posts on the topic. But no one has offered me a job and I haven’t landed an agent. 1.6 million people read something I wrote and my blog still has fewer than 200 followers. (If that’s not discouraging, I don’t know what is). And as much as I would love to say I don’t care about any of that, in the world of professional writing ( by which I mean writing in some capacity that pays the bills) numbers are what matter. How many subscribers do you have? How many followers on Twitter?

All I’ve ever really wanted to do since I was in kindergarten is to be a writer. I’ve tried other things and I’ve cultivated other interests, but writing is the only thing that has consistently excited me. I’m under no illusions that I could make a career out of blogging, but I would love to have enough paid work as a writer to support my family while doing something I love. And, like most writers, I would love to write a book someday. But these past few months I’ve become more and more convinced that I am not cut out for what “being a writer” means today.

Being a successful writer is no longer about craft or talent or art. It’s not about having the deepest insights or the most profound observations to share. It’s often simply about who can shout the loudest. Like high school student council elections, success in the blogosphere is a popularity contest. It’s about who is the most provocative, who is the most visible on social media, who is the most aggressively self-promoting.

I admit that I’ve dipped my toe into that pool. This summer I (very reluctantly) got a Twitter account. I hate it. I almost deleted it within 30 minutes of registering. I’ve tried to network with other bloggers, to write and invite guest posts, to comment other places, to submit pieces to other publications. But pursuing self-promotion doesn’t feel right to me. Reading someone else’s posts and looking for ways to insert myself and my work into the comments goes against some of my core values of sincerity and authenticity. These are things I’m not willing to compromise on.

In my last “What I’m Into” post I confessed that I’d been reading like a chain-smoker, using other people’s words to try to hide from own. I’ve read a few posts about this struggle lately (here and here ). Honestly, I was a little shocked and disheartened. One of my friends is working on a book and has landed a really great agent. One has a completed manuscript she’s starting to send around. I look at them and think, “If only I had an agent…” or “If only I had a finished manuscript…” Perhaps they look at me and think, “If only I had a million-view article…” And yet, we seem to have hit a collective wall. We are all struggling to feel that what we are doing matters.

I confess that I frequently get angry with popular and successful writers whose blogs I find poorly written and uninspiring. I don’t believe in quantity over quality – in pushing points that don’t need to be made just to generate content. There are a million voices out there and there are many moments when I don’t think the world really needs mine. If all I’m doing is adding to the noise then I’d rather be silent.

I want my writing to be about creating something beautiful—about art and passion and sincere wrestling with (sometimes fragile) faith. I want it to be about telling truths and naming every day grace. I want it to matter.

I’ve been rolling a book idea around in my head for at least eight months. There are some stories I want to tell, but I am afraid. This stage I’m in as a writer is one where I carve off a chunk of my heart and fling it out into the world and watch it disappear into the distance without even the consolation of hearing an echo back to let me know I hit something.

I am afraid of failing, yes, but here is an uglier truth. I am also afraid of hard work. Or rather, I am afraid of hard work that goes unrecognized and unappreciated. I am afraid of 1.6 million people who say, “Your words don’t matter.”

I want to give up.

And yet, I can’t quite do it. I can’t completely walk away. Because this space has changed me. In some ways it is healing me. I’ve made friends here. I’ve found a tiny community of artists who are fighting to say something true. These people inspire me. And I’ve experienced moments of extraordinary grace from readers, some whom I’ve never even met in real life, who have sent encouraging emails and have shared their own stories, who have sent me articles and books that are dear to them, and even one who bought the most beautiful cook book I’ve ever seen and mailed it all the way to Korea.

Jim Carrey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

I’ve never been rich or famous, but I can tell you that as a writer, having an article go viral is not the answer. And it seems that having an agent or finishing a manuscript is not the answer. Satisfaction and conviction that this work is good and that it is worth doing has to come from somewhere else.

I don’t know what the next few months will look like here on the blog, but I’m committed to trying to figure this out. Should I write? Should I not write? What should I write? And why? And for whom?  Hopefully I will find a way forward–a way to be able to do what I love without compromising the kind of person I want to be.

___________

****EDIT: I just wanted to add a  note letting you all know how much I appreciate all of the kind and supportive comments I’ve been receiving on this post and for all of the new followers. I am really overwhelmed by your generosity and support. Online interactions can sometimes be so negative and all of your kind words have really touched me. I may not be able to respond to each and every comment, but please know that I’ve read every word and I appreciate them. I know I’ll come back to them in moments of discouragement. I’ll be checking out a lot of your blogs over the weekend. There’s a phrase we use in Korea that means “Don’t give up! You can do it!” It more or less translates to “Fighting!” in English.  So to all of my fellow writers, artists, and creators, “Fighting!”

Image source: Wikipedia.org

 

956 comments

  1. We are all blessed with God given talents, which are often hard to find. Do not be discouraged for thoughts, whether expressed verbally or in writing are a lot like playing pool, they are put out there with a specific purpose and sometimes the cue ball accomplishes it’s goal. For me, more often than not, the idea is ricocheted off recipients with no intent, and occasionally I can say I have been successful.

    I like your style and will follow you.

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  3. Pingback: Pimp or Die: Promoting Yourself, Personal Branding and Giving Up | A Sober Head Full Of Confusion

  5. Blogging itself and writing what’s in my head period is my struggle. Congrats on getting the one million views. To a writer I can imagine that is definitely the equivalent of winning the lottery. I understand your angst, however and empathize with your struggle. Giving up will be the worst thing to do as you never know when your big break will come.

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  7. Lily, I really enjoyed this post. I just started blogging and my very first post got almost 2,500 views in the first week which was so overwhelming for me, but I kind of struggled with it. I understand you’re a super busy woman, but if you’d like, I’d love for you to check out my first couple posts and give me some feedback. Keep on writing and inspiring. I’m definitely giving your blog a follow 🙂 Thanks for writing!

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    1. 2500 views your first week is AMAZING. Like seriously amazing. Congratulations. I’d be happy to check out your stuff, though it’s not like I’m an expert or anything, haha. Thanks for reading and for your sweet comment!

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  8. Pingback: What I’m Into: November 2014 Edition | Such Small Hands
  10. Pingback: On Being a Back-to-Front Writer « timm in type

  11. An eloquent and engaging piece, Lily – thanks.

    While I agree with you about the apparent importance of self-promotion, I don’t share your aversion to the practice itself. Rather, I view it as a form of story-telling, and a crucial one at that. Which simply means that, as a writer, I see the task of ‘selling’ myself as a special kind of challenge, one I ought to embrace.

    Thus I attempt to approach the writing of my ‘back-story’ in the same way I approach any piece of writing, by trying to craft the most coherent and compelling story possible. That’s the idea, anyway!

    It’s something you do well, Lily – hence your healthy readership. Trouble is, you’re clearly hoping to capture a wider (i.e. different) audience, one at which your back-story – your blog – is not really targeted. Have you ever considered recasting your online persona? And I mean recasting, not reinventing. Something to think about, perhaps.

    As it happens – can you guess what’s coming next? – I’ve addressed your piece and the whole subject of self-promotion and literary success in a recent post on my own little blog. (It’s more a bloggette, really.) The piece is called ‘On Being a Back-to-Front Writer’, and I’d advise you and your readers to steer well clear of it.

    Does reverse psychology still work? Let me know.

    Long live the republic of letters!

    Cheers, Timm

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    1. Haha. Thanks for your thoughts, Timm. I really appreciate your perspective. Reverse psychology does seem to still work…I always get curious the minute someone tells me not to do something. 😉 I have never thought about social media and marketing as part of a comprehensive story before. Your perspective has given me a lot to think about and I really appreciate it. Thanks for sharing!

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  12. Reblogged this on travelling true north and commented:
    The openness, honesty and spirit of this writing has truly engaged me. It’s worth the time to read and consider the path to a writing ‘success’ when the social media storm has changed all the framework.

    But what say you: Is the new world in your favour? Or no?

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  13. Thank you for this refreshing, honest examination of your exerience. I’ve just found your blog through this post and am so glad to have done so. It’s a revelation that after this experience the work hasn’t flowed. And an interesting reflection of the way social media exposure doesn’t operate in the way we’d expect. I hope this second burst of attention leads to your preferred successes. I myself have chosen to avoid widesprad promotion as I don’t have the time or energy to keep it up. Knowingly limiting exposure and (?) opportunities. That said, the writing is so satisfying and comments are rewarding, each and every one.
    I have re blogged your post. Thanks for sharing it.

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    1. I completely agree, Ruth, each and every comment is so meaningful and rewarding. I have to remember those and cling to them in seasons when I’m not getting a lot of feedback. Thanks for reading and for the reblog. I am so glad you appreciated this!

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  14. Nice piece. You are a good writer. But you’re not a publicist. Obviously. The title of your mega-hit article contain the words “church, sex, and lies.” I think you have no idea the hornets nest you stumbled upon with those words…. And frankly I think if you want to sell yourself out to the masses then you will use hot word-buttons as those to reach mega-readership again and again and again. But I think your church taught you more than that. And did you notice the lack of any positive reinforcement when you did it? You did because you listed them. Even if you had received a multi-million dollar contract with some paper or magazine – would you feel confidently happy and successful if just one lost teenager somewhere based her decision to abort on her understanding of something you wrote? The pen is mightier than the sword. “And forlorn is he who should turn even one of my lambs against me.” Writing is a gift, not just a learned trade.

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    1. Thanks, John. I certainly did not have any idea what was going to happen when that article got picked up. I actually received an overwhelmingly positive response to that piece from other Christians including my former pastor and youth pastors. Having said that – I wasn’t pleased with the packaging of that piece. I think what I wrote was important and true and needed to be said. The fact that so many people resonated with it spoke to that as well. I do wish that I’d had an inkilng of how many people would read it and more space to clarify some of my ideas (my original piece was much longer than the cut-down version that was published). I don’t really see at all the correlation you’re trying to make between what I wrote about Christians saving sex for the right reasons and a teenage girl choosing to abort a child, but I absolutely agree with you that writing is a gift and that there is a lot of responsibility in being careful and thoughtful with your words. At the same time, it’s my experience that sometimes no matter how incredibly careful you are and how clear you think you are being, people will see what they want to see instead of what you actually wrote. Which is why I do the best I can. I pray about my words. And then I pray for grace in the ways that they weren’t perfect. So, while I wish that exposure had led to a bigger blog following or more writing opportunities than it did, i’m thankful for the thousands of people who reached out to say that this encouraged their faith and helped them in their walk. So no, I’m not going to write things for the sake of being sensational. But I am going to write things that are true.

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      1. 🙂
        As a poet my first rule of thumb is that we do not create emotion, but rather poke a pointy stick into emotions that the reader has created through his/her own life experiences. That baggage is unique in every case, so every person wil take away his or her own unique inference of any piece. So I am quite in agreement with you, but at the moment am on my phone and don’t have access to your piece or my previous comment. I apologize for my aging memory. But what I see of your articulate ability in your comment alone then it certainly must have been exceptional. Here is to hoping your holidays are wonderful.

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  15. Pingback: How can I market my blog? Should I even try? The blogger’s dilemma. | susanrushton.net

  16. This post really touched me. I have (almost ) walked away from a career in the medical field to join the elite artists of writing and blogging, but I am scared. I am scared of exactly the thing you are writing about. To be seen but not heard. I hope you continue to write and continue to remember that it isn’t about how many people look passed you, it’s about that one person you looks directly in your eyes and says ” I am where you are, thank you for inspiring me when I didn’t think I had enough energy to continue” . I feel like that is exactly what you are offering in your writing. Thank you for your post. I appreciate you very very much and I wish you the one thing that truly matters , happiness.

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    1. Wow. What a big, brave move that would be! It’s inspiring that you’re even considering it. Thanks for being one of those people to look me in the eyes and to really see me. I appreciate you. And I pray that you come to a place of peace about walking away from your career or staying in it and that either way you are able to do what you love.

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  17. Thank you for such a well written, timely post that seems to have a universal appeal to bloggers. I went through quite a bit of training to become an actress when I was younger and one thing I heard over and over and over was to grow a thick skin and learn to let the word ”no”‘ roll over you. No matter how many times I was taught that lesson’ I still flinch anytime something doesn’t work out the way I hoped or planned. You just Have to keep working, keep trying, and above all else, keep hoping. Things will get better.

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    1. Thanks so much, Kati. It’s true that no matter how many stories you hear about famous people who were rejected over and over when they were starting out, it still stings when it happens to you. Thanks for your kind words and your encouragement. They are appreciated!

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  18. “I want my writing to be about creating something beautiful—about art and passion and sincere wrestling with (sometimes fragile) faith. I want it to be about telling truths and naming every day grace. I want it to matter.”

    This post resonated. Like you, I also most value authenticity in writing. Thank you.

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  19. Pingback: How to Deal with Rejection | Jessica Davidson

  20. As a writer, I can understand how you feel.

    “Like high school student council elections, success in the blogosphere is a popularity contest. It’s about who is the most provocative, who is the most visible on social media, who is the most aggressively self-promoting.”

    What you’ve said have been on my mind as I am working on publishing my book via Crowdfunding. There are times I had to balance between compromising the authenticity of my work and making an impression in the social media.

    At the end, I chose my work over anything else. Because if what you are creating is not truly from within you, then what’s the point of doing anything else?

    Granted the journey could be tough but what journey is it if the path you are walking on is not one that you like?

    “Fighting!” 🙂 gamsahabnida

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    1. Thanks, Terence. I agree with you that if you are successful by creating something you’re not proud of then what good have you actually done? It’s important to feel proud of your work at the end of the day, even if it’s not as popular as you’d like it to be. Good luck on your book! i wish you all the best!

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  23. Hi there. It makes me sad that you want to give up on your dream. I’m new to blogging as of today. I dabbled in the past and got into google news a couple of times. I reached 3000 views, which is nothing compared to your 1.6 million. I’m not a born and bred writer – in fact I hated English at school. I view my blog as pointless, but it provides me an opportunity to rant and I hope that some people will be able to relate to my experiences.
    I beg you not to give up. I have tried to sit down and turn my story into a book, and I just don’t have that skill. If you are able to add depth and meaning to your words, you should not give up that for the sake of mankind being ‘shallow’ and caring more about materialistic things.
    Perhaps place it in your mind as a hobby rather than a career, and perhaps success will follow 🙂

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  25. One day I will likely vanish from this blogosphere and my site will be like my abandon MySpace that I look at once or twice a year to see if all my cyber hoarding is still where I left it.

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  29. Thank you. Your candid, sweet insights about the cold, confusing world of writing appeals to – thousands and thousands of us. It happened to me, too. Kind of. One of my posts, “Pick on someone your own age: date your decade” got a couple of thousand hits (thats gazillons- in dog years.) And, it was thrilling for a day. Gazillons of us now know you – and we really like you! Write on!

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  31. Keep on doing what you are doing. You do have it. I enjoyed this post. I understand what you say about some blogs. I have read posts that are so basic and yet the blogger has thousands of followers. How is this so? I am a blogger but not a writer but I do read a lot and I do know quality penmanship. That is, my perception of penmanship and what I enjoy. Maybe it is just about doing what you enjoy. It is not easy to make it big but don’t give up. I like your style

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    1. Thanks, Lyn. I really appreciate your encouragement and your support and I’m glad to know that someone else “gets it” in terms of some of those inexplicably popular blogs. Thanks for your kind words!

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  32. are you in my head? it’s as if you wrote my conversation with my wife last night….the writing world is about self-promotion and not necessarily about craft. i write for me; however, and if others gain from what i write, all the better.

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  33. Lovely honest post thank you for your words it is so good to read an article that expresses such honesty and feeling about writing . I myself share many of the thoughts you have expressed here in this article and look forward to following your blog.

    Kind Regards Kathy.

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    1. I was wanting to give up blogging. Give up on putting myself out there. Blogging and writing are two different things and while I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing, sometimes I want to give up blogging because it’s hard and scary to share so much of yourself with an audience who may not care at all.

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  35. I expect being on Freshly Pressed will mean you get more blog traffic, it pushed my followers over 1000 when my blog was on. But weirdly that doesn’t really improve your blog traffic – mine dropped down to what it was before, the new ‘followers’ don’t actually read it. On a more general point I think success as a writer is a marathon not a sprint. I like to pile up little successes – first winning competitions for short stories, then getting a publisher for my first book, now my second and so on. I’m not so successful I can live off writing but I am finding a readership and who knows what might happen for me next? Enjoy the journey I would say, you might never reach your perfect destination but you are achieving things as a writer all the time. :

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    1. I’m experiencing the same thing, Chris. My overall stats aren’t any higher, I just have a lot more followers. But I am appreciative of people following even if they don’t read every post. It’s a really simple easy way to show support to someone you think is doing good work and it helps them when they go to apply for freelance positions and other paid writing jobs where potential employers want to know what kind of a following you have. Are the numbers inflated compared to the number of diligent readers? Sure. But it still shows people who were moved by what you wrote, even if for just a moment. As a runner, I really like your analogy to a marathon and piling up little successes and counting small achievements. That’s a great perspective. Thanks for reading and for your encouragement!

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  37. Your words are gold! At this point I have learned that there are views but no followers, there are likes without liking. Too much posting enables the emails, the notifications are too many. So we like we view and we encourage. But we forget we meed the publicity. Why do we do it for? Good luck and I hope you become quite famous.🙏

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  38. “Being a successful writer is no longer about craft or talent or art. It’s not about having the deepest insights or the most profound observations to share. It’s often simply about who can shout the loudest.”

    Truer words were never written.

    By the way, it looks like you’ve picked up a few followers since you posted this. Me, for one.

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    1. I’ve been so overwhelmed and touched by the many people who have commented and followed to encourage me and show support. Thanks for being among them. I really appreciate it.

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  39. Hi there, your story is so inspiring and so human. It’s totally human to feel frustrated but you show us how to keep the desire burning. I just started and I hope I will be as brave as you are to continue. All the best.

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  40. Is it lile Aja! or something ? 😀 I love long reads. And short ones too. I’m sorry that I am one of the reasons why you feel upset. I would definitely I am not a good writer. My blogs are not so full of content. I just want to wrote and improve. 😀 I am not offended or anything. I just want to say I feel you. I feel the same when I see not so nice drawings being famous but I kept quiet. I think it is just human nature to not be impressed to something in which they know they van do better. Even so I respect your opinion and I find your blog interesting. 😀 Looks like you’ve earn a follower XD

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    1. Haha. I don’t think you are one of the reasons I feel upset. I think it’s great to write to improve your craft. I just get frustrated with blogs or books that become really, really famous and popular and then you read them and think – “That was totally pointless. They didn’t say anything worthwhile at all. How are so many people reading this and thinking it’s great?” Thanks for reading and for following!

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  41. interesting enough i understand your words. working hard at this writing thing. hi! i opened this site new site because i wanted to delete the old one, fresh start let’s call it. i ranked high in the food chain and really did it matter? was i making a difference? i think not. it was a gratification of ones’ self . thanks for your honesty and sharing.

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  42. So this is the greatest posting that I have read since joining this site. You have hit on the head the very thing that many writers struggle with! There are two parts in here that I absolutely adore. 1. “There are a million voices out there and there are many moments when I don’t think the world really needs mine. If all I’m doing is adding to the noise then I’d rather be silent.” 2. “This stage I’m in as a writer is one where I carve off a chunk of my heart and fling it out into the world and watch it disappear into the distance without even the consolation of hearing an echo back to let me know I hit something.”

    This post hit something, several somethings. Thank you so much for sharing. Please don’t stop writing!

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  44. U made me a follower. Just today i was thinking about what kind of a writer I want to be. Your post kind of hit my tender nerve. All the best for your journey!!!

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  45. Thank you so much for your honesty! I know one thing. Find that horse of passion and ride it like there is no tomorrow. Don’t look to the left or to the right. Don’t care if any one notices or if you will make money off of it. Ride it (write it) because it has to be ridden. Ride it because it is going to take you to that next level and to that next inspiration. Explore uncharted territory and push the limits of your imagination. People of like mind will find you. Go with God.

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  46. Very interesting and eye opening! I’m currently working on a couple of books for fun and reading something like this sobers me up to reality. Sounds like it’s important to do it because you love doing it versus trying to get rich and famous.

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  48. Pingback: The Art of Writing | The Real Deal

  49. I love your honesty and I’m sure based on the comments you have discovered that many people are in the same place that you are.
    Can I say this? If you have a book to write, then write it. A true singer has to sing, a true writer has to write…
    Blessings to you as you use your gifts.

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    1. Thanks so much for your encouragement. The book-writing is so daunting to me right now. Is there anything scarier than that blank page? I’m praying for courage and in the meantime am very thankful for comments like yours!

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  50. Wow!! I resonate with you 100% and I now understand there is no need of frustration. As a believer I ask the question, “What’s in me for the world” and not “What’s in the world for me.” Nice read.

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    1. Oh, I really like that. “What’s in me for the world.” I think that perspective is what makes writing all the more important for me. I genuinely view it as a gift that I’m meant to share – not because I’m so awesome, but because I think we are meant to use our gifts for God’s glory. So many of my questions about how best to write and who for and where and how are based on that belief. Thanks for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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