What Happens When You Go Viral: On Wanting to Give Up

I recently found out that the hit count on my Relevant article back in June was over 1.6 million. The editor told me it was the second-biggest traffic day in the history of their website. That’s mind-boggling to me.

If you had asked me a year ago what I thought it would mean to have a piece get that much exposure, I would have assumed it would be my big break. That it would boost my blog, lead to freelance opportunities, help connect me to the right people. That it would be my open door into the world of professional writing and publishing. That it would bring me validation and satisfaction. It would reassure me that what I’m doing here isn’t pointless and that my story matters.

Do you want to know the truth?

It hasn’t done any of those things. For a few weeks I received a lot of emails and messages from people thanking me for my story. I got to write a few guest posts on the topic. But no one has offered me a job and I haven’t landed an agent. 1.6 million people read something I wrote and my blog still has fewer than 200 followers. (If that’s not discouraging, I don’t know what is). And as much as I would love to say I don’t care about any of that, in the world of professional writing ( by which I mean writing in some capacity that pays the bills) numbers are what matter. How many subscribers do you have? How many followers on Twitter?

All I’ve ever really wanted to do since I was in kindergarten is to be a writer. I’ve tried other things and I’ve cultivated other interests, but writing is the only thing that has consistently excited me. I’m under no illusions that I could make a career out of blogging, but I would love to have enough paid work as a writer to support my family while doing something I love. And, like most writers, I would love to write a book someday. But these past few months I’ve become more and more convinced that I am not cut out for what “being a writer” means today.

Being a successful writer is no longer about craft or talent or art. It’s not about having the deepest insights or the most profound observations to share. It’s often simply about who can shout the loudest. Like high school student council elections, success in the blogosphere is a popularity contest. It’s about who is the most provocative, who is the most visible on social media, who is the most aggressively self-promoting.

I admit that I’ve dipped my toe into that pool. This summer I (very reluctantly) got a Twitter account. I hate it. I almost deleted it within 30 minutes of registering. I’ve tried to network with other bloggers, to write and invite guest posts, to comment other places, to submit pieces to other publications. But pursuing self-promotion doesn’t feel right to me. Reading someone else’s posts and looking for ways to insert myself and my work into the comments goes against some of my core values of sincerity and authenticity. These are things I’m not willing to compromise on.

In my last “What I’m Into” post I confessed that I’d been reading like a chain-smoker, using other people’s words to try to hide from own. I’ve read a few posts about this struggle lately (here and here ). Honestly, I was a little shocked and disheartened. One of my friends is working on a book and has landed a really great agent. One has a completed manuscript she’s starting to send around. I look at them and think, “If only I had an agent…” or “If only I had a finished manuscript…” Perhaps they look at me and think, “If only I had a million-view article…” And yet, we seem to have hit a collective wall. We are all struggling to feel that what we are doing matters.

I confess that I frequently get angry with popular and successful writers whose blogs I find poorly written and uninspiring. I don’t believe in quantity over quality – in pushing points that don’t need to be made just to generate content. There are a million voices out there and there are many moments when I don’t think the world really needs mine. If all I’m doing is adding to the noise then I’d rather be silent.

I want my writing to be about creating something beautiful—about art and passion and sincere wrestling with (sometimes fragile) faith. I want it to be about telling truths and naming every day grace. I want it to matter.

I’ve been rolling a book idea around in my head for at least eight months. There are some stories I want to tell, but I am afraid. This stage I’m in as a writer is one where I carve off a chunk of my heart and fling it out into the world and watch it disappear into the distance without even the consolation of hearing an echo back to let me know I hit something.

I am afraid of failing, yes, but here is an uglier truth. I am also afraid of hard work. Or rather, I am afraid of hard work that goes unrecognized and unappreciated. I am afraid of 1.6 million people who say, “Your words don’t matter.”

I want to give up.

And yet, I can’t quite do it. I can’t completely walk away. Because this space has changed me. In some ways it is healing me. I’ve made friends here. I’ve found a tiny community of artists who are fighting to say something true. These people inspire me. And I’ve experienced moments of extraordinary grace from readers, some whom I’ve never even met in real life, who have sent encouraging emails and have shared their own stories, who have sent me articles and books that are dear to them, and even one who bought the most beautiful cook book I’ve ever seen and mailed it all the way to Korea.

Jim Carrey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

I’ve never been rich or famous, but I can tell you that as a writer, having an article go viral is not the answer. And it seems that having an agent or finishing a manuscript is not the answer. Satisfaction and conviction that this work is good and that it is worth doing has to come from somewhere else.

I don’t know what the next few months will look like here on the blog, but I’m committed to trying to figure this out. Should I write? Should I not write? What should I write? And why? And for whom?  Hopefully I will find a way forward–a way to be able to do what I love without compromising the kind of person I want to be.

___________

****EDIT: I just wanted to add a  note letting you all know how much I appreciate all of the kind and supportive comments I’ve been receiving on this post and for all of the new followers. I am really overwhelmed by your generosity and support. Online interactions can sometimes be so negative and all of your kind words have really touched me. I may not be able to respond to each and every comment, but please know that I’ve read every word and I appreciate them. I know I’ll come back to them in moments of discouragement. I’ll be checking out a lot of your blogs over the weekend. There’s a phrase we use in Korea that means “Don’t give up! You can do it!” It more or less translates to “Fighting!” in English.  So to all of my fellow writers, artists, and creators, “Fighting!”

Image source: Wikipedia.org

 

956 comments

  1. I absolutely LOVE this post. I just found this on the Freshly Pressed page. Congrats on getting on there btw!! 🙂 I’m struggling as well with getting noticed. It’s so hard to pitch myself for these travel companies and to convince them that my stories are worth being heard. I’ve slowly realized that it isn’t how many people hear you. It’s that those that do listen, get quality stuff. My readers, as I know you feel this too, are the coolest people on the planet. There aren’t many of them, but I write for them. I write for their support and to let them know that they aren’t the only ones. I cannot wait to read more of your work and wish you only the very best.

    Sending you Southern American love and sunshine
    TMT

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    1. Thanks so much for all the positivity! I really appreciate it. I’ve been blown away with how kind and understanding people have been about what could have come across as a very whine-y post. I like what you said about writing quality stuff for the people who are reading, even if it isn’t the impressive number of people you might wish for it to be. And, I just checked out your blog and it is exactly my kind of thing. I’m also living abroad right now and love hearing about fellow travelers! If you happen to be heading to Korea with that TEFL certificate, let me know!!!!!

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  4. I’ve had a couple of big opportunities – a Modern Love, a Salon piece, and a Freshly Pressed – and they did boost the number of my subscribers which was great and a lot of fun. But the day to day readership of my blog is still pretty small which is fine and also very fun. To me, writing the blog is what I am doing to be a better writer. Without daily blogging, my ‘writing’ is like the baby grand piano in my living room – beautiful in concept but never played. By blogging, I am a writer today, not next year, not when I write a book, not someday, but today, this afternoon. I write stuff that matters to me and it often matters to other people in both small and large, serious ways. I promote myself using social media because I now have confidence in what I write and believe that it is worth reading. That, in itself, has made me a better writer. Talk about finding my voice – I found it on my blog. That’s where I ‘sing’ everyday and it feels great.

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    1. Jan, I am so inspired by what you said about blogging being for becoming a better writer and being a writer today instead of thinking about it as something you want to do in the future. I had never really thought if it quite like that. That there can be so much meaning in the daily discipline of practicing your craft. Thank you so much for sharing this! And congratulations on the successes you’ve had. Sounds like all that practicing has paid off somewhat!

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  5. Hey there. Your words really touched me because I’ve been in a similar place like you. I’m not a writer, I was pursuing a different career. But like you, I had to find out that many things I dreamed of before weren’t the answer one they became reality. Well, some things have not become reality so last week I decided that after 2 1/2 years I should call it a day and move on. It is sad and I have no idea what I will be doing in future. However, much like you I do not wish to be the person shouting the loudest to be seen. I wished I knew how else to succeed in this world, but at the moment I don’t see any other solution. Good luck to you.

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    1. I would say do what you love to do and do it in as unique a way as you can. Add value wherever you go and create opportunities for other people to be successful. You will soon find out that you have a lot of influence and a growing network, which can lead to opportunities in many things (like a career). 🙂

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    2. Sonja, thanks so much for sharing this. I think sometimes we have to stop and re-evaluate what success looks like and what it really means to be successful. Because at the end of the day, it’s possible to achieve all the things we thought were really important in life and find that we’re still disappointed or that we still feel like a failure. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how success for me is maybe about becoming the person I want to be even more than it is about achieving career-goals, having certain experiences, or being recognized. Because someday I could have all of those things, but if I’m not happy with the person I’ve become, what value will they really have. That’s what keeps me from wanting to throw myself into the world of aggressive self-promotion and being controversial just to get attention. I understand your struggle and I genuinely hope that you are able to find something that helps you to grow into the best version of yourself. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment.

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  6. “Being a successful writer is no longer about craft or talent or art. It’s not about having the deepest insights or the most profound observations to share. It’s often simply about who can shout the loudest.”

    It depends who you are writing for.

    It’s tough being a professional writer amongst bloggers, Internet marketers and twitterers. After I graduated from university, I realized that I had to compromise on proper writing style, beautiful evocative writing…for business writing and technical writing.

    A minimum, a prof. writer should know and demonstrate that they can blog, just like a formally trained librarian must demonstrate they can create a database, blog (to market their services, etc.).

    A blog is just a tool to showcase a fragment of you. At least better than Twitter.

    Instead of focusing too narrowly on just writing, is to think about quality, flexible communication for different industries. Sorry I know it’s not about writing essays.

    The good thing about social media is that there are some bright moments that your writing has touched/provoked someone and they tell you that. Remember this: the influence of dropped pebble in water.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts, Jean. This really gave me something to think about. As you said, it definitely depends on who your audience is and what function blogging plays. If my blog is my primary way of communicating, networking, and showing potential clients my ability to reach a certain demographic, then it will have a very different function than if it is primarily a place for me to experiment with writing and work out new ideas. I love that reminder about the influence of the single pebble and that social media does give us feedback in ways that writers have never experienced before. I think that’s something to value. Thanks for reading!

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  7. I can relate to your post. I may be unnecessarily romanticizing the situation but maybe the struggle is what helps writers find a “unique” voice that could be heard for centuries to come 😉

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  8. I really hope you find all the happiness and fulfillment you desire from what you love most.
    The world may not see that yet, but there are those whom your words resonates with. These people will always be appreciative of your experience and everything you stand for.

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  10. I applaud this little group of words that you so thoughtfully and soulfully put together. You put so much honesty/truth and heart into writing it’s inspiring. I’ve never ever wanted to be a writer and I still don’t but I love the way you wrote this. It would be a tragedy for a person such as yourself to quit writing. I’m asking you to please don’t.

    Good luck with your writing career I have no doubt in my mind that you will succeed.

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement. It honestly means a lot and it was very kind of you to take a minute to write those words. I’m glad you enjoyed this post, even as someone who isn’t interested in writing. This has really encouraged me to keep writing. 🙂

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  11. Have you ever thought that what you’re doing now is enough? Some of the most beautiful masterpieces of the world were by people who have never done anything prior or after. You did something most bloggers only dream of-over a million views. I just started a blog and if it never reaches its full potential, I’m fine with that, as long as there is at least one person who reads it and gets a good chuckle or the feeling that they are not alone.
    Your writing is spectacular. Your drive and ambition is one to be revered. Just because it hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t happen at all. Have faith that when it’s meant to happen, it will. Perhaps at this point you wouldn’t be able to handle the pressures of the big time. Perhaps you need to struggle a bit more to truly appreciate what it is to succeed. There is only one thing that is certain, you can’t go any farther, and will never make it by giving up. Push on and perceiver!

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    1. For some reason, I never seem to think that what I’m doing now is enough. But this really resonated with me. You’re right that sometimes we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing, even if it doesn’t seem to be making a big impact, and that sometimes we can’t fully see or understand the influence we’ve had for a long time. Thanks for your encouragement. I will keep writing!

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  14. I just write for the sake of myself. I write poetry that when I read back I connect with. Its a way to let me know I am still on the right track, because I am working toward the person I want to be in my poems. Hope that helps.

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    1. I wrote in another comment that I’ve been realizing that success for me has to be about becoming the person I want to be more than it is about achieving certain career goals or life experiences so this really resonated with me. Our writing can in itself be a way of working that out – shaping us into who we want to be. Thanks so much for your thoughts!

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  15. I love the honesty of this post and I loved reading your Relevant article. You truly have a gift for writing and I hope you don’t give it up based on followers or subscribers. Keep writing and expressing that inner voice that can’t stay silent. 🙂

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  16. Please don’t despair. You were recognized once again in being Fresh Pressed! Attending all girls catholic schools my whole life, I was often exposed to a similar philosophy of which you wrote. I started my own blog this year and am thrilled to share I have nine followers, yes nine as of this afternoon. I agree it is quality over quantity but there is something about seeing those likes and getting new followers that is addicting! Good luck and keep writing. And if you are feeling particularly generous you can always visit my blog and if you enjoy my stories be my tenth follower 🙂 Oh and one more thing, my only twitter follower is my twelve year old son.

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  18. This post is so incredibly on-point. In fact, I actually started my blog here by talking about how blogging has turned into a marketing contest of who can get the most page hits and become the most popular, not who can put forth the most original and relevant content or who can produces the best quality writing. Keep writing. Don’t give up. Write for YOU, not for others, not for views, not for popularity. Those will follow naturally.

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  19. I just joined up and started a blog here, after reading this post. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I’d only add that if you think it’s hard being heard here, try running an independent website. The internet sure isn’t what it was 10 years ago!

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    1. I can’t even imagine…I feel like there are people becoming internet successes overnight left and right, but sometimes it feels like a super-secret club with a special handshake and if you don’t know how to do the handshake, you can forget about ever getting in. That’s silly, but you know what I mean. In an age where anyone can write something and hit “publish,” it feels like it takes something extraordinary to stand out from the crowd. Good luck with your blog!

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  21. Loved it,…and totally get it from all angles. Sometimes you can’t help but cave, but then you don’t. We’re all made to believe our dreams are attainable in this age which is either the biggest farce or cruelest joke of all.

    Do what you can, when you can, that’s NOT under-achieving. Just don’t read my blog, please. -Swiney.

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    1. I do think there’s something to being raised in an age where we’ve always been told “You can do anything.” Not to be a brat about that, but I think sometimes it makes us discontent being just good at something. We all think we can be the best, when obviously, we can’t. Thanks for stopping by!

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  22. It seems to me that you’re meant to spend your life with a pen on your hand, or your hands on a keyboard, to be precise. I couldn’t agree more with you about not being able or not wanting to promote yourself through the social media -I can’t do it either, not that I am anything close to what you’re doing here-. The way I see it, either you have this self-promoting skill, or you don’t, and if you don’t, it’s a bummer, but you can always find good friends who can do it for you, right? (good friends can always help in many ways)

    When I feel underappreciated in my job or when I write something nice here or elsewhere and see that just 10 or 20 people have read it, my grandiose delusions are demonstrating inside my head, with banners saying “unfair! unfair!” Life is not fair. I am sure that apart from your gripping writing you have many things in your life that make you happy. Also, you seem to have what it takes to become a successful professional write. You just need one thing: perseverance.

    So, don’t dishearten yourself. Let your mind drift a little, let your pen doodle a litlle, pour yourself another cup of coffee, and keep rockin’!

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    1. That is SO true. I have a friend that I made through blogging who is THE BEST at promoting stuff. And because people know it’s natural to his personality, they don’t seem to be put-off by it. And he is really generous about promoting me and other friends as well. And I’m so thankful because even when I try to do a little more promotion it seems to actually negatively affect my viewership, haha. Thanks so much for your encouragement. I really appreciate it. And thanks for reading!

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    1. Oh no. That sucks (that no one checked it out I mean). What’s the album? It’s just one of those annoying things…the world is a fickle place. Some things spread like wildfire and others seem to be in the right place at the right time and still just don’t take off. Good luck!

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      1. It was called Incest is the Highest Form of Flattery. Terrible name, I know right? But one of the selling points of my label was that I tried to give my artists full artistic and creative control of their releases. Not that it helped sell anything, though. Ironically, both Rachael Please and I are pro-life.

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  25. For what it’s worth, you just gained another follower towards that 200. Your post is timely for me as someone who, for the first time in their life, is really following their dream of writing – and as someone who also often struggles with the networking requirements. For me, at least, you provided a piece that was relevant, inspiring, and offered an interesting perspective. That puts you ahead of most bloggers already.

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    1. Thank you! That really does mean a lot to me! And I’m really glad this piece was relevant to you and interesting. Congratulations on following your dream. I’ll be the first to tell you that it can be really hard, but it can also be really rewarding. Seeing all of these kind comments has been one of those rewarding times for me. Good luck and thank you for following!

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  26. The key to getting paid for what you do is to do something that another person can make use to make money. For a writer, that means answering the question, “Who can make money off this piece?”. Screenwriters, for example, are successful at answering that question. But maybe that’s why so much of what is on TV is boring. A different route is to write what pleases you and hope the world judges it “good”. That is a dicier route to take.

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    1. I do think it depends on whether your main objective is selling things or creating things you believe in. Most of the time (unfortunately) those aren’t the same thing. I actually worked in marketing for a few years and did a fair amount of ad writing. But I hated it. I hated using my words to try to make people buy things they don’t need or to sell something I don’t necessarily believe in. So while it was a lot more lucrative than freelancing, it didn’t make me happy. I definitely think there are people out there who are great at creating things that others can use to make money but I don’t think I’m one of them. I guess it’s naive of me, but I’m still trying to find a way to find demand for writing about the things I think are true. Thanks for your thoughts!

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  27. Write because you love to write, not because you might get noticed if you use this or that trick in your writing or your blog. Get your thoughts and feelings out through your blog and be the unique you that you are. As I always tell myself, make your goal to add value to the readers of your blog. The value in this post is that I identified with you and was encouraged that others feel the same as I do about blogging sometimes. Hang in there and keep writing! Take pride in what you share with the rest of the world and don’t get too focused on the numbers (though they can be important). Keep being honest and authentic like you were in this post. Hey, I read your post and was encouraged! And now I’m going to follow you 🙂

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    1. Thanks, Ray. I really like that idea of your goal being to add value to your readers. I feel that way too, which is why I try to focus more on quality than quantity. I don’t blog every day (or even several times a day) like some more popular bloggers do, but I don’t want to say something unless I think it will add value. And I don’t want to write things I don’t really believe in just because I think it will get more attention. Thanks for reading and for following. I’ve enjoyed your comments the last few weeks. 🙂

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      1. Thanks Lily. I definitely don’t blog every day either. In fact, it’s been a few weeks as it’s just been from one thing to another with teaching. Looking to write again soon though as the holidays approach!

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  28. I really appreciate and feel comforted when you say you refuse to self promote too much. Somehow, I feel this way too and get exact the same mixed feelings of delusion and unwillingness to give up. Somehow, I still believe in values of sincerity and authenticity and still remain stubborn against friends and acquaintances who keep telling me I must toot my horn. I like to believe that if someone isn’t keeping pace with everyone else, maybe she is listening to another music…

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    1. Thanks so much, Lucas. I completely understand you. I want my thoughts and my writing to speak for themselves, not to gain a bunch of attention by being pushy and aggressive. I really like your thought about someone who isn’t keeping pace with everyone else as maybe being a good thing. That maybe those are the people who are really worth listening to. Thank you for reading!

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      1. I found it interesting amd made me think of my own situation. I have 158000 Twitter followers but less than 900 people follow my blog.

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  30. So strange, a blogger friend and I were talking about this exact thing. He’s much more published than I am and said what you said nearly word for word in some places. I was recently published on Relevant as well and experienced the same thing (not that mine went viral like yours but you get the point). Thanks for sharing this!

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    1. Thanks, Eric. It’s definitely nice to hear that I’m not the only one who feels his way. Anne Lamott talks about this feeling a little bit in her book Bird by Bird – mostly in regards to the huge letdown she experienced after publishing her books and how, despite the fact that she’s pretty successful as far as writers go, it’s still very common for her to meet someone for the first time and tell them she’s a writer and find that they’ve never heard of her. I think hearing those same kinds of stories from her tells me that it’s not worth it to sell myself out for the success I think I want because that success is likely to come with its own downside too. Congratulations on getting published at Relevant and good luck with your future writing endeavors!

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  31. Really appreciated this post. Been at this about a year and a half and had one post get over 10,000 views–kind of a fluke really that led to a series of posts reflecting on memories of growing up working class. I guess at this point I’ve tried to write about what I read and I’m interested in, haven’t tried the Twitter route yet. Most interesting to me is to discover how much I love to write, and how, sometimes at least, I manage to find words that give expression to what others are thinking and feeling. I try to tie this to my “day job” working in university ministry with graduate students and faculty, so it can get a bit geeky at time but I try to aim for fostering a learning community among those with similar interests. Congratulations on Freshly Pressed and keep up your great writing!

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    1. Thank you! I think it’s a real gift to be able to write in a way that gives expression to what others are thinking and feeling. There are a lot of people who feel like they don’t have a voice or feel terribly alone because they don’t have the skills to express in words what they are experiencing and I think your ability to do that for people is truly a gift. Thanks for your encouragement and blessings to you in your writing and your ministry. My in-laws worked for Campus Crusade for many years so I know how challenging and rewarding that work can be.

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    1. I was a little discouraged myself, hah. I would also have appreciated some advertising. But, you know, writing this post seemed to connect with a lot of other writers and artists and maybe building a community by being honest about these experiences (even the disappointing parts) will eventually lead to some new opportunities. Thanks for reading!

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  33. Dear you. I feel like I wrote your post. Well parts of it anyways. What I heard was that you have this vision of beautiful and grace. Something that matters. And the discouragement in not receiving the kind of response you’d hoped for. How you want to give up. How it’s hard to see the drivel out there that seems marketed and packaged well and seems to do so well. I so know this place. I beg of you not to compromise. I’m sick of the loud mouths and diva’s. I’m sick of the perfectly packaged. I’m so tired of perfect! The world needs more real and more artistry and risk takers. Wishing you grace, not grace and all the things that link the two.

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    1. Oh, thank you! These words were so kind and encouraging. I’ve been so encouraged these last few weeks that there are people out there who value honest, authentic writing, even if it isn’t catchy and sexy. I want to encourage you as well to keep pursuing your passions and to embrace the messiness. Thanks so much for reading!

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    1. Thanks! I think you’re right that it’s important to remember that the ability to choose what we do is a gift in itself and that we must choose to look at it that way. Thanks for the reminder. And thanks for reading!

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  36. As one preacher I know put it, “I write to make the voices go away.” Exactly. You HAVE to write…perhaps?

    As for finding good blogs to read, I’m just happy when I find articles with decent grammar and syntax.

    I’m trying to say, as one President put it, “I feel your pain!”

    Great article, and “press” on.

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  37. As writers we must write for ourselves so that our words are true. It is not all about fame, it is about the joy writing gives us. Write from your heart and the rest will come in time. Why not consider publishing an ebook. It is so easy today to self-publish. You are talented, so keep writing.

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    1. Hi Sandra, thanks for your thoughts and for your encouragement. I honestly haven’t given a ton of thought to publishing an ebook, but you’re right that today it’s easy to self-publish and a number of writers really get their start that way. Worth looking into. Thanks for reading!

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  38. OMG, this post really touched me because I feel the same way. I feel like I’m in a dry place when it comes to writing. I sit down and try to think but nothing comes to me. Please don’t give up. You are touching someone out here right now just with this post. Keep doing what you love to do, and something good will come from it.

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    1. Thanks so much for your encouragement! This was so kind. I know what you mean about trying to write and not being able to come up with anything. Sometimes you just have to write about how hard it is to write, haha. Good luck with your writing and thanks for reading!

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  39. I completely hear you. I’m part of a VERY small writing group for short fiction. Just some of us at work doing it to get out of the daily write-to-pay-the-bills grind (in advertising). It’s fun. We learn. But being published? Something else completely. I do believe you have to keep putting yourself out there, but am learning that success isn’t always being widely recognized or financial but something deeply personal. I wrote something once that one of my writers group members couldn’t get over. She LOVED it and it really made my day. She is only one person, but to me at that moment, she might as well have been the world.

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    1. I think that’s a really great perspective – remembering how good it can feel to write something that’s meaningful to even one person. I can think of some specific pieces I read by classmates in college that really stuck with me and all these years later I remember exactly how those pieces made me feel and what they meant to me. It’s really powerful to have that kind of resonance, even for just one person and I think it’s important to remember that. Thank you!

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  42. This was everything to me. I feel and think everything you have expressed in this post verbatim. This post has given me some sort of comfort and strength that I really need in this particular time in my life. Your words matter and once it is written, it exists and they will reach people far beyond our lifetimes. Thank you for this.

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words! I’m so glad this post was encouraging to you in some way. I was afraid when I published it that it might sound whiny and self-pitying, so I’m glad to know that you took some encouragement from it. Thanks for your support. Keep doing what you love!

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  43. Pingback: Again Freshly Pressed? | HarsH ReaLiTy

    1. Aww, I would have taken a hug. 🙂 Thanks so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I really love the title of your blog, by the way. And I recently shared your evolution of parenting post with a friend who is a new mom. I think she appreciated it. 🙂

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  46. Pingback: A Post About Giving Up: Girls… Please Don’t | Life As a Girl

  47. From this post to me it sounds like you’re focusing on the outcome of writing more than the actual writing itself. Some literary-inclined self help guru (or charlatan – tomata tomato) once said that writing is about the journey, not the destination. If you’ve got a story that you desperately wanna tell, tell it. If not, don’t. If you wanna write but not self-promote, write, write and write some more without self-promoting. If you wanna write and have a better shot at getting that writing noticed, get better at self promotion (or, well, patience-ing). Above all else, never, ever listen to people like me giving you daft advice after reading some of your work (which I thought was splendiferously well written, btw) and knowing not a thing about you. Alternatively, listen to all the advice and get lost in a void of useless information. Alternative to that alternative, have a break, have a Kit Kat.

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    1. I choose the Kit Kat!!! But really, I think you’re right that it has to be more about the process and about saying something you find meaningful than it is about the outcome. I guess I would say that my problem is I don’t want to change what and how I’m writing to achieve a better outcome (more readers, more publications, financial benefits, etc) BUT at the same time I’m disappointed that I’m not achieving those outcomes. And maybe I can’t have it both ways. Either I decide the outcomes are my goal and change what I’m doing to reflect that (Ugh!) or I stay true to what I believe in and write what I feel most strongly about and don’t look for those outcomes anymore. I don’t want Option 1 so I think it’s gonna be Option 2. Though secret Option 3 (the Kit Kat) is most appealing. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  49. Hi, Lily. What you write here resonates with me SO MUCH. I’m not going to waffle on about how, or how much, or why … I think I’ll just hit “Follow” and see what happens next. I hope you keep writing, with honesty and integrity and only the occasional sideways glance at the numbers.

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  50. Now that was a very heartfelt, well-crafted piece, the likes of which I don’t often see. Bravo.

    Take this for what little it’s probably worth, but my suspicion is that you’ll ultimately figure out why it is that you want to write in the first place and it will have little, if anything, to do with fame and fortune.

    Maybe the question to ask is “how do I define success as it pertains to my art?” I think you’re correct that success, when defined in financial and celebrity terms, has at least as much to do with marketing as it does with skill the implementation of the creative process, but that’s just one definition of the term.

    I’ve been deeply involved with photography and writing (and freelance editing) for quite some time and have had my share of superficial success (some magazine covers and print sales of my images;some stories and articles published), but it hasn’t been nearly enough to make a career of, and it all but certainly never will.

    And perhaps that’s a blessing, because accepting this “failure” opened a door to the realization that I not only CAN but SHOULD create for myself. If others like my work, that’s wonderful and gratifying, but it’s not of primary importance, and it never will be. I came to realize that all of this “artistry” was something that I was doing to fill some sort of innate creative need that I don’t fully comprehend to this day. Art for art’s sake? Perhaps. But more likely art for MY sake.

    Perhaps this concept will resonate 1/1000th as much as your post resonated with me. I wish you the very best of luck.

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    1. Hi Kerry, thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful comment. And sorry it’s taken me so long to respond! I’ve been thinking a lot about how I define success in my art (like you said) and I think more and more I’m thinking that it has to do with what the writing is doing in me. I’ll never write anything that everyone is happy with. I will always be too liberal or too conservative or too verbose or too boring or too silly for someone. One goal I have for my writing then, is that it helps me become more of the person I want to be. And if it means something to someone else too then that’s great, but it’s not WHY I’m doing it. Thanks again for your thoughts and your encouragement. And good luck with all of your creative endeavors as well!

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